How to escape hard-work and be miserable

The moment you are born in this world, the shackles of hard-work will bind you and almost instantly cause you to break down to tears. If you are however a tough son of a gun, the nurse will give you a tight smack on your baby buttocks and remind you to cry. Then you have got to topple a few hundred times to finally learn how to walk and then drag those hand-printed buttocks to school.

43fe089ab853cb86537d7bbfd967eb1e.jpg

Tests, assignments, examinations, lectures, attendance, extra classes, tutorial classes, coaching classes, theory exams, lab exams, supplementary exams, make-up exams, mock-up exams, sent-up exams, parallel exams, board exams, entrance exams, competitive exams, relationship, friendship, internship, bachelor’s degree, associate degree, master’s degree, and post graduate degree.
Don’t forget that you must prove your existence in this world with identity cards and certificates. A rectangular piece of paper that contains the factual details of your sanity and existence, just in case you pick up an axe and rob the convenient store. Birth certificate, meritorious certificate, participation certificate, school certificate, transfer certificate, character certificate, marriage certificate, divorce certificate, death certificate, health certificate, identity card, trade licence, driving licence, arms licence, ration card, AADHAR card, PAN card, electoral photo identity card, service identity card, ATM card, credit card, SIM card, and memory card.
Our problems are never ending and keeps on expanding like the universe. Parent issues, childhood issues, daddy issues, drug abuse, existential crisis, mid-life crisis, technological crisis, confrontation crisis, natural disasters, workplace violence, rumours, terrorist attacks, robbery, death, poverty, crime, corruption, world hunger, rape, murder, public shooting, materialism, consumerism, cancer, world wars, aliens and math problems.
Then it comes down to our personal problems which no one gives a shit about. Nobody respects me, I have got to make more money. I have too much cash in my wallet, it hurts me when I sit. 1080 p sucks, 4K is better. My laptop is dying, but my charger is in the other room. The Wi-Fi is free, but the internet is too slow. The internet is fine, but there is only internet explorer.
So yeah, that is pretty much the entirety of our lives, problems after slightly bigger problems after super mega problems. But wait, there’s still chance to make our lives even miserable. Here are some of the methods that are guaranteed to help you escape hard-work like a ninja and to turn yourself into a miserable loser.

MAKE EASY CHOICES

Shortcuts save our time and endurance; therefore, it is of paramount importance to seek after the easy alternative every single time. This way, you learn the deceptive abilities to escape the clutches of hard-work, that sneaky bastard lurking around the corner for the time being. Make sure you procrastinate for 6 hours and then stay up all night doing homework. Procrastinate so much that you procrastinate the actual procrastination.

ALWAYS COMPLAIN

Complain about things you have no control over. Complain about why the world revolves around you and why your problems are the only problems and should be everyone’s problem. Always remember that you are entitled. Complain about why shit happens to you and only you, then be irritated to see other people complain. Complaining works well with blame, so use them together. Remember to blame someone for your problems from time to time.

SEEK DISTRACTION

Every problem comes with two things, solution and distraction. Always. Remember to always choose the latter. If you choose the solution, you will fight the problem so do not make that mistake. Solving problems are for the weak minded, therefore, to test yourself to the limits, you have got to keep running away from it. Distractions are a gift from heaven, so exploit it to the seams.

SEEK VALIDATION

If, however you solve a problem, brag about it. Always impress other people, because their opinions are paramount. Remember to make someone else’s opinion of you your top priority and always seek for their approval. Online or offline, be a sucker for attention. That is how winning is done.
If you follow all these steps, you are guaranteed to have a miserable life. If practiced on a regular basis, you will start to notice the changes in a few days. You will start to notice that you are learning to dodge hard-work like a ninja and that you are becoming miserable day by day. I know this should have been a paid course, considering all the people this post has made and will make miserable, but good wisdom should be accessible by anyone. Also, you are probably too lazy to spend some money to learn how to be miserable.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s