Even after a series of sessions of rationalizing with stupidly fabricated reasons in one’s own mind to give in to a temptation or settle for a wrong choice even when one is well aware of its erred nature and the consequences it might foster in the future, we humans (most of us) never seem to change one thing about us. Giving a damn (the tiniest of damns counts) about what people think of us.
In one way or another, we let toxic people enter our minds, change gears and move out. Yes, some people influence us positively and it is in fact okay to let them in a teeny bit but some have the habit of losing whole of their minds to mere opinions of others. They get lost in a barricade of monologues about themselves which could ‘possibly’ be going on in someone else’s head. What they don’t realise is that one is truly aware of oneself more than anything else in the world and no one knows themselves more than anyone.
We can’t please everybody, however socially codependent we are on each other. One in ten will surely turn up with behaviour that could set your temper flaring.
A plethora of studies and research. A buttload of money funding the research. Psychology, anthropology, sociology, history, biology courses in colleges and universities well able to gravely dent your pockets. Flocks of people, each one backed by the hope of finding one true answer, that arbitrarily confers to all of the questions about their lives at least satisfactorily, if not fully. How much do these help unravel the quirks of human nature?
Research can surely find a common ground to classify and adjust various natural social/psychological/biological phenomena. Considering a population of seven billion, how do we draw lines of classification among all the oddities that every thought, every impulse, every emotional reaction or rational comprehension of physical events which bring about neurological and psychological changes at almost every fleeting instant of day?
The point is, every person is different. Perhaps trying to please everyone around you has worked out well for you in the past, but people who have a compulsive need to be nice to everyone sometimes cross paths with another group of people of the exact opposite nature. Namely, misanthropes or simply called jerks in everyday language. This type of collisions often turn out disastrous.
Giving a damn about what people think is a lethal practice, as far as our mental and social well-being is concerned. Constant fear of judgment and other people’s opinions disrupts a person’s psychology rendering him into believing it is impossible to feel confident in social encounters and behaving in an incompetent manner under pressure.
The only way to win at life is to focus inwards, give up all shame (mostly, fears of judgment and criticism result from shame) in what we do and who we are. Most of us live our lives in falsehood, projecting our energy outwards into the world when we have no idea on how to channel that energy in the most effective method and this kind of demeanour results from a lack of knowledge of self.
One should take serious steps in observing oneself and recording one’s own behaviour in different situations that come up in everyday life. Only then one can embrace growth. Fearing judgmental people and their opinions never gave rise to leaders and winners.
If you have any of these problems, I’m going to be very real when I say these things – Stop beating yourself up for any wrong happening that remotely relates to you. Stop blaming yourself for every single thing. Give up the shame. Give up the guilt. Most importantly, stop giving a shit about what people think of you. Life will stop being as complicated as it seems at the moment. Be yourself, grow tall.